Cocoon Talk.

Recently I been battling how to move forward with fully focusing on my goals and visions without loving the support I have from people. its hard to let go sometimes but its also necessary. If it was vice versa i’d understand 100%, but ion think the people thats attached themselves to me will really understand. Like it's still love, I just have a clear vision on what I want to do and a lot of times these individuals don’t so it puts me in spaces and situations that take away from what i’m trying to accomplish.

“I doubt caterpillars love ending they life to start a new one.”

But i’m sure they know it’s a necessary evil to fly. Gaining that mind set to put yourself in a cocoon, gives you that strength to breakout of it when it’s time to fly. So I guess we have to learn to enjoy the necessary evils?

everywhere.

We tend to think Past, Present, and Future are all different things. for that isn’t the case. They are all one and we are all one with it. Past cannot exist if the present doesn’t exist, nor can future exist with out you being present. How is this so? This is so because there is no time. Time is imaginary, time is a trick, time cannot be measured, but this is only so when you find peace.

It is possible to be “everywhere all at once, like water.”

Water is drank, water is in the river, water is in the ocean, water is in the garden. Water is everywhere all at once. Peace is understanding you are everywhere all at once. Peace is knowing that when you think of memories with others they are present with you at that time; that is not the past. Peace is when you think about the future that thought is already there so it too is present. In order to find peace forget about time and realize that being present is peace and within peace there is no time.

Validation.

As artist we tent to not be seen, or at least feel like we aren’t seen. when in fact its quite the opposite. I believe artist are blessed with a gift that is also a curse. That being INSPIRATION. We are inspired by the world as well as other artist while also inspiring others. As we create theres a sense of not feeling validated through our work. When in reality the inspiration we are giving other is VALIDATION.

We get lost in thinking that payment = validation.

Remember most artist don’t buy art, they create it. So instead of looking for payment, look to inspire. The more you inspire the more YOU are out in the world; through the inspiration you have given. That’s the real payment, validation.

The Plan.

In everything we do we should desire to have a plan. A specific plan thats catered to EXACTLY what you want out of life. Having it in your head is cool, but actually writing it down helps keep you on that path and focused.

Don’t Lose Sight.

Having a plan doesn’t mean focusing on the future. It simply means doing day to day things that keep you present. the plan is what allows you to enjoy the journey of the destination you’re headed to.

Standing On It.

It’s hard staying consistent and motivated. its hard getting people to see the change as well. how are these two connected. They are connected with you and your personal journey. we’ve read and heard so many stories about how as you become more focused you tend to not nourish alot of past friendships. No, its not on purpose but those relationships/friendships no longer serve a purpose. & thats not to sound mean in any way.

It’s just is what it is.

By me trying to find my purpose and grow as an individual i have to be ok with these loses as well as ok saying no to things that no longer serve a purpose. and as you start to make these changes many will try to bring you back and at that point you have to remember why you are making these changes and STAND ON IT!

Sunshine & Rain.

Earlier today i was talking to the homie Jarell, and i asked the question what do you think it means when “they” say “when it rains it pours” his answer was when something bad happens it keeps happening. To me that was a surface level answer, anyone could’ve given that answer.

To me When it rains it pours goes deeper.

Rain essentially helps a seed grow, in the realm of men that seed is a thought. So when you plant a thought in your head its either a positive thought of a negative thought, either a flower that will bloom or a weed that takes control. in order to grow a healthy plant there needs to be more sunshine than water. too much water and not enough sunshine isn’t a combination that promotes growth. so eliminate a lot of the rain(doubt/negative thoughts) and add more sunshine(positive thoughts and affirmations).

Remember rain/doubt can sometimes be necessary because it presents a problem you should overcome and defeat. Most doubt stems from something you truly care about.

Know Who You Are.

A couple months back someone that was in my life didn’t know who they were or what they wanted. They say when you meet someone you’re usually dating a mirror of yourself. So with that in mind I guess I was also in a spot with no REAL direction. I knew what I wanted, as well as I knew who I was but I had no direction on the how.

Ye Said, “If you hang around people who act like you aren’t who you are you’ll forget who you are.”

ALWAYS hold on to who you are. If you around people that don’t treat you accordingly it’s okay to part ways, it’s ok to separate, it’s also okay to express that, regardless of how they may feel.

Crazy or Icon.

Climbing in your work requires you to be a maverick, which in turns leads you to a genius, which leads you to being an ICON. That should be the goal to be remembered to leave a legacy for your work. Inspire and be inspired.

Maverick- breaks the rules with their work/art.

Genius- harnesses what they do while breaking the rules and at the same time making it acceptable.

Icon- is whats acquired if you do both of those things the right way.

The problem is if a 1000 people know you those are usually the same people thats gone out you because they know you, and all you wanted from them was they support. In order to gain access to the millions you have to un attach your self from the 1000 to reach the millions.

It’s really YOU. You gotta be crazy to worry about what they think about you, but you also gotta be crazy to let go of the 1000.

It's Up

Its been about 4 months since i last tapped in. Those 4 months felt like 4 years no cap. I could sit here and write for hours about everything thats happened but i’m not because why? cause “ion wanna talk”. what i will say is every struggle, every relationship/friendship has a purpose and a time. some last forever and some don’t.

Tryna force or keep old friendships is like tryna force or keep yourself in the same energy as the past. new energy is created often so often you can’t tell but you’ll see it when things and people seise to exist in your life. Thats the sign.

When they say be like water they mean just flow, allow yourself to see the new energy.

allow the new energy the space to replace the old.

Allow the new water a space in the glass. Drink it or pour it out it don’t matter just create the space. And understand you’ll be doing this over and over again for the rest of your life.

Home.

Been home for about 2 days now and feel great about it low-key. Feels like I cut off ties from the ones that no longer serve a purpose in my what i’m trying to do. Not in a bad way at all but in a way of being focused and giving the ones who give me energy; energy! Idk what this chapter will consist of at all, but i’m def gone embrace it all. It’s part of the journey.

It’s honestly just The Next Chapter in my life. Not many will understand but thats ok, because the ones that do they know it’s All Love!

Unwanted Spaces.

I honestly feel like my whole life I been falling forward. Falling Forward in a sense that no matter what occurred i’m always looking for a way to move forward, rather that be creatively or just in life generally. Things have happened that have stopped me in my tracks for a moment but I never considered staying content or just in that “unwanted” space. Unwanted in a sense that we don’t ask for these spaces of mishaps, defeat, lost, etc. But what’s important is that we recognize where we are and find a way out of it.

We know we don’t have the answers to anything in life and thats ok, but the beauty of it all is knowing you have the tools to not sit unwanted spaces if YOU really choose not to.

Tools: Books, Friends, Family, Inspirations, Art, Mentors, Creativity, Exercise, Self Talk, Hobbies, Giving Back, ETC.

Love Yall.

Leaving Arizona was tough but needed. I honestly feel like i’ve found a part of myself that I didn’t know I needed. The real subject of todays journal is my cousins. I recently have lost two cousins within two months. & it’s not easy, nor do I feel like its going to get easier to handle.

The first cousin was an older cousin who actually helped raise me, he was very close to my mom. My mom was the first person he came out to with his sexuality when they were younger. Being raised with someone like that in your parents life and seeing the love the family showed him it was no way I could go out into the world and look at people different for being homosexual because I seen that no matter what that person is still a person. Love You Jay Jay.

The Second loss has happened recently to a cousin that was my age and very close to me. We talk every other day. He lived a tough life in and out of jail, being shot over 2o plus times and surviving. This time he didn’t survive. The sad part about all of this we had plans and he was one of the reasons I was excited to come home. Ironically he died in the same neighborhood he lived in and on the same day I left Arizona to come home. Love You Lil Jeff.

Friends.

I be dealing with mfs that like me but aren’t really my friends. Rather it’s male or female. They don’t care to see me win, they just care that I’m in they life. I’m not really into that.

”I don’t need to be liked.”

I’m not tryna be a regular dude. I don’t even think or dream like a regular dude. You start to realize all of this when you cut out distractions. The more you cut the more you see, Real Shit. I be feeling like the more I cut out external distractions the more internal distractions I see. And that’s the goal, to cut so much that all I have are my people and my goals. & to me That’s all I really need.

Who’s to say.

Asking and wanting opinions from others that have no idea what you’re doing is redundant. I wouldn’t ask a surgeon how to build a house. I feel like we ask people close to us and around us for validation. To show them we working, or to show them we haven’t given up. I’d stick to asking experts or find people in your field that want to see you win.

“Even if you trust these peoples opinions, it’s still an opinion.”

If it’s your art, opinions or advice aren’t really needed because it’s about what you see and what you’re feeling. Most people won’t have those feeling or emotions that go into making the art. Trust yourself. The best way to do that is to do it and trust you’re making what feels right to you. Fuck It!

Unrecognizable.

The shit I think and go through is only because i’m not pushing myself enough. I do enough to standout, but I don’t do enough to separate myself. I haven’t been able to dig deep, and it’s because I haven’t had to. I haven’t been consistently disciplined enough with myself to say i’m THE BEST. I’ve shown consistency to others with my work, but where have I honestly been consistent with things others don’t see? Thats the difference, that’s where true separation happens. In order to be the BEST you have to separate yourself.

“2 years after today I will be unrecognizable.”

I will lose friends, I will Lose Love, and I’ll lose what i’m most comfortable with, which is my old self. I won’t regret any of the sacrifices i’m about to make, nor will I live in the past. I realized the more I live in the past the more foggy my vision gets, and thats DEAD! I love you Allen!

I love you Too!

Batman & Joker.

Most things are fairly simple. Where things get complicated is mixing multiple elements in a single-element thought or decision. I think as humans most of us try to make decisions that cater to all parties, making low risk decisions. Mixing logic with feelings to make a decision that only required how you felt. Tryna be the good guy without being the bad guy is impossible because not everyone thinks the same. To some no matter what decision you’ve made.

“You’ll look like the hero and to others you’ll look like the villain.”

To cater to one’s self a lot of people will say you’re selfish but catering to yourself with the intentions of not hurting others should allow you to be at piece with whatever decision you have made.

The Difference.

I feel like the difference with me and other people is mfs wanna be cool for saying they do shit and not actually be cool for doing the shit. It’s easy to say I do this or I do that to somebody, but when you actually gotta do it, it really ain’t nobody there. So in they head it's like “why am I even doing this?”

Because N*gga, it’s what you do!

Don’t tell me shit you doing if you can’t show me. Do it First! Cause:

"ION WANNA TALK."

If you want this, you gotta want it rather you get applauded for it or not. You DON’T need validation for doing what you’re suppose to do. Just keep putting hours in and the universe will pay you tenfold for using your gift and finding your purpose.